I Became a Barbarian's Bride - Chapter 177

‘Why am I so damn angry?’

This was her decision. Something she chose, something she thought through, something she judged for herself.

Until now, Kagan had never interfered much in the affairs of others.

That was because he respected that their choices came from their own convictions.

If someone chose to stand on the frontline, it meant they had accepted death. If someone chose to guard the final gate, it meant they had resolved to give their life so that none would pass.

Nisha was likely the same. She must have thought deeply, made her own choice in her own way.

Usually, Kagan had no right to interfere. As always, he only needed to encourage her and nod in support.

But he could not do that.

When he saw her move in front of him, saw her breathing, saw her smiling and alive, he could not bring himself to nod along.

He could not understand why he could treat the affairs of others with cold rationality, yet not hers.

Objectively, what she intended would benefit Xieman greatly in the long run.

And as she had said, she would not die. Even if she took the medicine, she would rise again.

So should he not be glad?

A woman brought from another land had willingly chosen to sacrifice herself for Xieman.

When he brought her here, he had worried endlessly. He had wondered again and again what he would do if she refused to cooperate.

She obeyed without resistance, yet what was he so dissatisfied with that he could not contain this rising anger?

“……”

He tossed the last of the firewood in, slowly rubbed his face, and came to sit beside her.

No matter how warm the room became, a body that had grown cold would not become warm again.

That was what happened when something died.

‘…What if she never opens her eyes again?’

The sudden thought made his heart drop.

Kagan’s eyes widened.

‘If she doesn’t wake up… will I never see her again?’

Never again see her open her eyes and speak to him, never again see her smile softly, never again see her tilt her head in confusion.

It felt as though someone had struck the back of his head. He blinked dumbly.

Because he had realized something.

He was afraid.

‘Afraid? Me?’

Of what?

Lost in thought, Kagan clasped his hands lightly together, then let out a hollow laugh and rubbed his face with a rough touch.

What else could he be afraid of?

He feared her. Her death. The possibility that she might disappear right before his eyes.

‘Why?’

Why would he fear something like that?

She was the Tun, he was obliged to give himself to protect her. As she is the one sacrificing for Xieman.

Protecting the Tun was part of the Kagan’s role.

The Kagan was the king. He ruled Xieman, led Xieman, and stood as the visible pillar that unified all its people.

And the Katun stood beside that pillar, supporting him.

Not every Katun was granted a special ability. Those chosen during peaceful eras were said to have lost nothing at all.

They simply used their wisdom to assist the Kagan and develop their people.

That was likely because Adin chose someone wise, or because the Kagan of that era chose well.

Kagan rubbed his face slowly and exhaled.

Why was he afraid of losing her?

The answer came easily.

‘Because I want her to stay by my side.’

The corners of Kagan’s mouth softened faintly, then twisted as though he were about to cry.

The reason he felt this way was simple and unmistakable.

He had come to want Nisha.

Whether she had seeped into him during the time she stayed by his side, or he had seeped into her, it made no difference.

Kagan’s lips twisted harshly.

He knew. Realizing this did not mean he could stop her from doing what she intended to do.

And that was what made it all the more painful.