I Became a Barbarian's Bride - Chapter 178

Even though Nisha accepted the affection he offered, she could not fully receive it.

He sat there blankly, saying nothing, simply keeping her in his gaze.

There was nothing else he could do.

Realizing he loved her did not change anything about their current situation.

Nisha would still drink the poison by her own will, and he would still be forced to watch helplessly.

He would have to pour love onto her again and again, until one day she herself decided she no longer wanted to do this.

Otherwise, she would fall apart far more quickly than he feared.

Because Nisha was painfully sensitive to the idea that she was useless.

‘If I gave her something else to do…’

If he gave her another task she could do as Katun, would things change a little?
If she could use something other than her power to prove her worth…

If that happened, wouldn’t she change, even a little?

Thinking this, Kagan slowly rubbed his face.

If she relied only on her ability, she would continue to believe that her power was the only thing she had.

That was why Kagan wanted to show her that she was needed beyond that, and that there were things she could do on her own.

If he gradually reduced how much she depended on her power, perhaps Nisha would begin to change as well.

Lost in thought, Kagan let out a low groan and threw his head back.

“This is driving me insane.”

He drew in a deep breath.

‘Come to think of it, Nisha never leaves any trace behind.’

She rarely bought anything by her own volition. Since coming here, has she ever purchased something even once?

‘I don’t think she has…’

Whatever she did, she always checked with him and asked for permission first.

The same went for her belongings. Whether in his room or hers, nothing of hers was there.

Everything she possessed had either been brought from Roshan or had already existed in Xieman.

She bought nothing. She left nothing behind. As if she didn’t want to leave any sign she had ever been here.

Kagan’s expression stiffened slightly.

‘…Why?’

Why did Nisha behave like that? It wasn’t simply frugality.

Because she didn’t even ask for small necessities.

The few things she ever requested from the maids were simple: bring her water, help her change clothes.

Almost obsessively, she avoided forming attachments and left nothing of herself anywhere.

As if she expected she would soon disappear.

Yes, as if she already knew she would have no need for possessions in the future.

‘Is it because she doesn’t know when she’ll die…?’

She lived a life of swallowing poison.

It wouldn’t be strange if she carried the constant fear that one day she might simply not wake up again.

But even so, it was still far too strange.

Even if that were the case, would she not feel the need for clothes? She must have her own tastes, her own preferences, her own wants.

There was no way she had no opinions at all, whether it was clothing or accessories or anything else.

Yet everything she wore was simply what she had been given. Nisha’s clothes barely changed.

I’d heard she had several similar outfits because when she first arrived here, there were no clothes from Xieman, so the assigned maid brought clothes arbitrarily.

And Nisha continued wearing those clothes without a single complaint.

‘Is this normal?’

A life with no dissatisfaction, no desire for anything at all?

She had nothing she wanted to eat. Nothing she wanted to own. Nothing she wanted to do.

Or rather, he did not know if she truly had none, or if she simply never said so.

That was because Nisha did not speak.

The more he thought about it, the tighter the frustration twisted inside him. Kagan exhaled slowly, then looked at Nisha’s face.

Was this expression, calm as though merely asleep, truly when she felt the most at ease? Or was that simply his own foolish assumption?

“How did death become your place of refuge?”

When she closed her eyes like this, he could not even tell her not to do it.

Not until the day she said she did not want it anymore. If he forced her to stop, she might begin eating herself alive from the inside.

‘…I will have to strike Roshan quickly.’

No, before that, there was the matter of subjugating the demonic beasts.

Kagan rubbed his face with a troubled expression.