I Give Up on the BL Novel's Male Leads - Chapter 161
It was heartbreaking and sad to think that he hated her and was angry with her. On the other hand, she wondered if it was because of these feelings that she couldnât fully accept Meliasâs heart.
She had tried to distance herself from him, but now, she was the one who wanted his heart. The turmoil of feelings, which she couldnât understand, made everything so confusing.
“You… you ran away at my weakest moment. Have you forgotten?”
Edwin continued to push her with words she couldnât fully comprehend. His voice, filled with desperation, sounded painfully real.
But that wasn’t what mattered right now. What mattered to Illein was her own emotions.
“You’re saying all these things I don’t understand. But Iâm here, right in front of Edwin. And Edwin is… you’re a bad guy who thinks nothing of kissing me.”
“…”
“How can that be your first? It can’t be. Iâm your first? That was a lie, wasn’t it?”
Tears welled up in Illeinâs eyes as she spoke, and Edwin, seeing her pain, shouted more fiercely. He was trying to hide the confusion he felt, masking it with more anger.
“Donât lie. Do you think I donât know what youâre trying to do? Youâre trying to make me let my guard down and run away again.”
“Edwin.”
“Is it funny that Iâm not acting the same as before? Are you so scared of me not running away that it feels so pathetic?”
“You’re the one who looks down on me, Edwin!”
She struggled to pull away from his grasp. But with his hands locked over hers, she couldnât break free.
“Let me go!”
“Do you think Iâm going to let you go? Iâd rather die.”
“Are you saying you’re going to kill me?”
“No, how would I kill you? If something is going to die, Iâll die…”
He said this while finally releasing her hands, and Illein angrily slapped his shoulder.
“Now go. Iâm mad.”
“Donât be mad. I do need to go though.”
She ignored his words. As he reached out and trapped her like a cage with his arms, she glared at him, full of resentment.
“Before I go, give me what you promised.”
“What do you mean?”
“You said youâd let me hear your heartbeat.”
“…Ah!”
She was about to get angrier but let out a sigh at his absurd words.
They didnât fit at all with the situation, but somehow, it made her feel like her anger was dissipating. It was so strange that it almost felt like her mood was lightened.
Without realizing it, the pressure in her hands loosened, and Edwin cautiously asked.
“Are you calm now?”
“I don’t know. I hate you the most, Edwin.”
Illein turned her head away, pouting.
“Thatâs nothing new.”
“I really hate you.”
In that state, she deliberately pretended to be very angry.
“That too.”
“I hate you the most.”
“That too?”
Edwin felt relieved when he saw that Illein was calming down. He found it pleasant, as if they were just exchanging jokes.
Illein began to feel her heart race as Edwin slowly moved closer to her chest.
“What if I donât want you to listen?”
Embarrassed, she subtly pulled back. That made Edwin show a hint of disappointment.
“Youâve already heard it.”
“I thought Edwin was like me, so I was willing to listen. But if I knew you were so different, I wouldâve refused from the start.”
Edwin raised an eyebrow, confused.
“Hmm? What did you expect?”
“Do you think I donât expect anything from Edwin?”
At that moment, Edwinâs expression changed, as if something new dawned on him.
“What do you expect from me? Are you planning to run away again?”
“Why would I? And Iâm not running away because I have something I want to do.”
“Something you want to do?”
“Yes. I want to become a civil servant.”
Edwinâs eyes widened, clearly surprised.
“A civil servant? Thatâs your dream?”
“Yes.”
“Thatâs such an easy dream.”
“Are you trying to make me angry?”
He chuckled at her words.
“Why a civil servant? Do you think if you become one, youâll be able to stay by my side?”
Edwin asked as if he knew it wasnât true. Illein was caught off guard by the unexpected question and couldnât respond right away.
For a moment, she wondered. Could it be true that Edwin in the original story was actually a ho–s****l?
“Is that really the reason?”
Uncertain, Illein couldnât answer Edwinâs question, feeling a strange sense of anxiety.
“Sigh. Just listen to my heartbeat before I go.”
Edwin didn’t say anything else to Illeinâs words. He simply leaned closer to her chest, gently bringing his face near.
The strong, rapid beat of her heart in his ears felt unfamiliar. It was something he had never experienced before. He hadnât expected her heart to beat so loudly. He closed his eyes with a pleased smile, savoring the moment.
“Itâs strange. This has never happened before.”
Illein still thought that Edwin was saying things she couldnât understand. When did he ever listen to her heartbeat to act like this?
“You canât always check my heartbeat, can you?”
Though something felt off, Illein decided not to overthink it and simply let it go. She responded with a calm demeanor instead.
“Did this happen often?”
Edwin smiled as Illein asked her.
“Didnât you always act like nothing was wrong?”
