I Just Wanted to Avoid Death - Chapter 119
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After that, Rosaline cried in Yeshion’s arms for a long while.
All he could say was that he was sorry, and that he had missed him dearly, but Yeshion understood how he felt. Because he, too, had once felt the very same helplessness of being unable to do anything.
“…Actually, I thought about running away as soon as I came to my senses.”
After his long bout of tears, Rosaline murmured softly, leaning against the iron bars opposite Adelio’s cell. Seeing him start to pour out his feelings, Yeshion quietly took a seat next to him without speaking.
“I was sick and tired of my own uselessness that I would feel if I experienced the same situation again.”
Even if he were granted a new chance, it wasn’t as if his weak powers would miraculously become stronger.
As the emotions he’d barely suppressed threatened to surge back, Rosaline’s eyes filled once again with tears. But this time, he firmly shut his mouth and forced the emotions back down.
“I don’t have the confidence to protect you, Yeshion.”
“……”
“What Eldis mentioned before… the ‘responsibilities of a saintess’… I don’t think I have the courage to see them through anymore.”
Rosaline bowed his head deeply, clenching his fists tightly.
A long time ago, back when Rosaline was still called ‘Venice,’ there had been an unshakable confidence that he could handle absolutely anything.
“If you come to the temple as a saintess, you’ll never again go hungry, or sleep in the cold. But you will have to witness many people dying.”
At that time, Rosaline—no, Venice—had confidently declared he could handle it all without a second thought.
Living in the slums, a hidden corner even poorer than the usual impoverished neighborhoods, Venice had decided never to form bonds with others. He had to steel his heart to survive, never allowing others into his heart.
That’s why he’d been so confident. Even if he became a saintess under false pretenses, disguising his gender, he’d never sacrifice himself for anyone else, nor be weakened by pity.
He’d certainly thought that way.
But when he gained precious people he wanted to protect, all that came with it was an overwhelming sense of helplessness.
“…I’m disgusted with my own weakness.”
Rosaline muttered, biting his lips.
When Yeshion was gasping for air in pain, Adelio had used his power to call doctors from every corner of the world. Eldis, too, had desperately sustained Yeshion’s fading life with his divine power.
But Rosaline had been completely powerless. He possessed neither Eldis’s strength in divine power, nor Adelio’s immense influence.
There was only one thing she could do: sit quietly at Yeshion’s bedside, holding his suffering hand.
“I wanted to run…But when I saw your face, I realized I couldn’t possibly run away.”
Countless emotions flooded him simultaneously.
Hope that he could at least use his limited strength to help Yeshion survive, as well as overwhelming self-hatred for his own inadequacy.
Among these conflicting emotions, Rosaline had finally come to a single conclusion.
He had to become stronger.
“Eldis told me that divine power grows stronger after enduring near-death experiences, when pushed to its limit.”
“…So, you came here alone?”
“Yes. I thought if I tried suppressing the Crown Prince’s curse and poured out my divine power…”
Yeshion clenched his fists beneath his uniform as he listened.
Pushing oneself to the very limit of one’s abilities… yes, one might certainly become stronger. If Eldis himself had said so, it couldn’t be wrong.
But if Rosaline made even a small mistake, his life itself would be at risk.
Yeshion bit his lips firmly. He had no idea how to comfort him in this situation. Could he simply say, “We already know the future, so we just need to avoid it”? “Just don’t put yourself in danger”?
‘That wouldn’t solve the underlying problem at all.’
Even if he glossed over the current situation, Rosaline would repeatedly struggle with the same issue and inevitably seek to grow stronger, no matter the danger.
“I don’t think it’s bad that you want to grow stronger, Saintess.”
