I Just Wanted to Avoid Death - Chapter 135

Back in his room, Yeshion lay on the bed, staring quietly up at the ceiling.

“I never expected things to turn out like this…”

It hadn’t even been a full day since he’d come back from death, and yet it felt like far too much had happened all at once.

Placing a hand gently over his chest, Yeshion let out a long breath in time with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

Whenever he was alone like this, it was always so peaceful. But the moment he met Adelio or Eldis, his heart would start pounding so wildly, it was enough to drive him mad.

“Those faces… yeah, how could I not react when they’re sticking those ridiculously good-looking faces so close?”

He clearly remembered how indifferent he had been to them at first.

He’d run from Eldis when he tried to get close under the guise of friendliness. He’d drawn a sharp line with Adelio under the label of ‘just friends.’

That was because he hadn’t accepted either Adelio or Eldis as his people.

He’d thought of them as people he wouldn’t see again once he left this world.

But emotions, they bloomed in the very moments you failed to notice.

To be honest, he was happy.

Happy that he had made a place in their hearts. Happy that they had seriously thought it over and confessed.

And yet—he was afraid.

Afraid that if he accepted their feelings, and things went wrong, they would end up worse than strangers.

“Ugh… I really haven’t fixed that habit from living as Han Yeseong.”

Even in his past life, this was why his relationships never lasted. He always ended up fleeing. Telling himself it didn’t feel right. Hiding.

Back then, and now… He didn’t have the courage to be hated.

That was why he couldn’t bring himself to step fully into love. Because he couldn’t bear the fear of being rejected and being left behind when the other person’s feelings changed.

“But then… why?”

Why was it that he wanted to take their feelings so seriously?

Clutching the soft pillow in his arms, Yeshion blinked slowly.

He hadn’t done anything, really, to catch the attention of Adelio or Eldis.

He’d spent most of his time thinking up ways to escape, or doing his best to fulfill his priestly duties.

“Well… I did yell at His Highness once or twice, I guess…”

There were just too many things that didn’t make sense, like… why exactly they liked him.

“There’s really no reason to.”

He wasn’t the one who said the right things, or gave anyone courage. Rosaline was much better at all of that than he was.

Surely, they’d said things like that to Rosaline in passing too.

And yet, their eyes had turned to him…

“…Wait. Could it be because of the healing ability?”

Yeshion suddenly sat up in bed. Thinking about the timing… it sort of lined up.

Eldis had started treating him more kindly after he noticed he wasn’t the original ‘Yeshion,’ and more than that, after he found out about his healing power.

“No, but if I say that for sure… then I’m just dismissing their feelings again…”

Flopping back onto the bed, Yeshion gazed up at the ceiling.

Human emotions were so difficult.

When did they start? Why did they exist? It was hard enough trying to understand someone else’s heart, and accepting it was even harder.

“You really don’t have to make it so complicated.”

Just then, it sounded like a voice answered, like someone had spoken to help him work through it.

Still blinking up at the ceiling, Yeshion nodded.

“Right. You can’t really figure out someone else’s feelings just by thinking.”

“And you can’t come to conclusions on your own, either.”

“That’s tru—”

He was just about to agree again, casually, when a strange sense of déjà vu hit.

Slowly, he lifted his head off the bed, and there, standing at the door, was Eldis.

The moment their eyes met, Eldis smiled faintly and lifted something in his hands.

“I brought you some clothes.”

“O-Oh, clothes?”