In the Doghouse - Chapter 127
Courtney let out an exasperated sigh, her expression irritated.
Richard, laughing softly, reached across the table to place his hand gently over hers. She recalled that time she hadn’t just kicked Frederick. She’d also slapped him—hard. Though it hadn’t been a pretty scene, Richard had frowned at it just like everyone else around them.
However, he continued.
“But the more I thought about it, the more curious I became. Who was this woman? What was she really like?”
Before meeting Courtney, Richard had believed he was simply someone who enjoyed pain—an urge that had arisen naturally alongside his other physical impulses, though he didn’t understand the reason. He had stayed away from women entirely and often resorted to dangerous acts of self-flagellation to satisfy this urge.
When he came of age, a servant named Hanson discreetly introduced him to a shop on the west side of town, recommending it as a safer way to indulge his interests.
There, Richard had been exposed to various preferences and attitudes, yet his own thoughts had remained unchanged. While he associated pain with pleasure, he still found the ideas of submission and humiliation foolish.
That was, until he met someone who changed his perception completely.
From the moment he noticed her, he began to lose interest in his solitary, joyless rituals of self-flagellation. Instead, he began to crave someone who would actively, and intentionally, inflict pain upon him, both physically and emotionally, and he wanted to surrender to that person willingly.
“After that, I even started dreaming of you—frequently.”
In those dreams, he found himself back at the founding festival. But now, he was the one she struck, and he thanked her with gratitude, pleading for forgiveness. That night, he experienced his first true release in his sleep.
“So, I kept going to places where I might run into you.”
He wanted to confirm if she was truly the person he had come to admire in his mind. So, whenever an opportunity arose, he would find himself near her social circles. It wasn’t just about her fierceness—he needed to know if she could truly command his loyalty and surrender.
And so, the more he watched her, the more convinced he became that she was worth it.
The more he observed, the more his fantasies grew. Every night, he found himself weaving Courtney into his dreams, imagining countless scenarios. Eventually, it reached the point where even a single, sharp glance from her could make him ache with desire.
Only then did Richard finally acknowledge the nature of his feelings. He wanted every emotion she displayed, every glimmer of contempt or anger, directed solely at him.
“After deciding that, I just wanted to get close to you as soon as possible.”
As he admitted this, he smiled as he recalled his impulsive proposal.
“So, I proposed on the spot.”
He left out some details, things that might have disheartened her, including the final push that led him to decide on marriage.
An entire year passed. At the founding festival that spring, he saw her again, this time looking more exhausted than he’d remembered.
He had planned to formally ask her for a dance, but when he saw her old, too-tight shoes that looked too stiff to dance in, he hesitated. All that time, he had been absorbing her negative emotions like a parasite, without really considering what might be troubling her.
The next day, he began investigating her circumstances thoroughly. It was simple: her household was struggling, teetering on the edge of poverty. The realization had thrilled him. Here was a problem he could solve with ease, something that finally gave his birthright and status a true purpose. That very day, he decided to pursue marriage.
Now, lost in these memories, Richard’s gaze grew more intense. Courtney, feeling suddenly shy, lowered her head. She remembered seeing him a few times but hadn’t realized he had come just to see her.
“You could have said hello, you know…or at least introduced yourself.”
“I tried once,” Richard replied. “But I think the timing was off.”
Once, he had seen her after an argument with her mother, heading to a more secluded part of the grounds. Summoning his courage, he had approached her, mentally rehearsing an introduction so that she wouldn’t run off.
But she had been looking down, lost in thought, and tripped over the hem of her dress. Richard had quickly reached out to steady her, ready to make a favorable impression. However, in her irritation, she didn’t even look at him.
“Thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
She had said briskly before turning away.
He couldn’t bring himself to follow her. He was so overwhelmed by desire that he feared he might lose control if he took even a single step. So, rooted in place, he had watched her retreat, silently hoping she would look back.
“When I finally got back to my carriage,” he reminisced, as if reliving a treasured memory, “that was the most satisfying experience of my life.”
Richard spoke as if the memory were precious to him. Being here now, beside her, made those lonely days feel worthwhile.
Courtney, who had been listening with a blush, looked at him with a slightly disapproving expression. How had a story that started as a sincere confession somehow ended up with him talking about…that?
Unperturbed, Richard shared his final, most important realization.
“Back then and now, it’s always been you who stirs these feelings in me. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted as my Master—and that will never change.”
