In the Doghouse - Chapter 145
They had been married for just over a season, and in that time, Richard had come to know Courtney deeply. She was no longer just the idealized figure of his imagination. She was his wife, his partner, and his source of strength.
Though Courtney’s exterior was composed and unyielding, her heart was tender beneath the surface. This didn’t disappoint him—in fact, he admired her strength all the more. She was resilient and determined, able to stand firm and rise again even when momentarily shaken.
Richard spoke in a playful tone.
“Now, I’m not sure how you will take this, Courtney, but…”
“What?”
“I was a bit envious.”
“Of Eddy? What about him?”
“No, of Lord Devon.”
Courtney immediately frowned. Did he really envy someone who had just been beaten up so thoroughly? Seeing her displeased expression, Richard chuckled and continued.
“I mean it. I wonder when you’ll feel that comfortable treating me that way.”
“That’s not called being comfortable—it’s called rough treatment.”
Courtney shot back with a pout, though Richard only kept smiling. She reached over and pinched his cheek tightly.
“Don’t go envying someone like that.”
“Oww—”
She squished his face with both hands, making sure he couldn’t argue further. Looking back, she felt a bit embarrassed for waving a stick around in front of him, but she was more frustrated that he didn’t understand her feelings.
Courtney knew that Richard’s wish to be treated as casually as she had treated Frederick was sincere. He’d mentioned it consistently, even from the time he proposed.
Yet, despite understanding his desire, she couldn’t bring herself to act on it. And it was harder to be rough with Richard than with anyone else.
Their time together had awakened a side of her she hadn’t known—a desire to control and possess, an impulse to bring someone to their knees in both pleasure and pain. Concepts she couldn’t have imagined empathizing with before.
But that wasn’t all. Alongside these desires grew emotions of tenderness and affection, feelings that stood in stark contrast to the darker, more destructive urges within her.
These conflicting emotions left her feeling torn, unable to fully embrace one side or the other.
With her hands still pressed to his cheeks, Courtney spoke in a calm voice.
“Richard.”
“Mm?”
“Think about it carefully. What do you truly want the most? Whatever it is, I’ll try to make it happen.”
Richard didn’t entirely understand why she kept asking him to reflect on this, but he nodded. There was no harm in it, after all.
Courtney smiled, releasing his face, and he returned her smile with a boyish grin. She felt a new sense of connection with him, as if they’d come one step closer to becoming true partners. She felt certain that everything would turn out well.
* * *
With all the recent turmoil resolved, Courtney began preparing for winter in earnest the next day. Richard, too, was kept busy with tasks related to deploying additional troops and supplies.
Her job was to oversee the stockpile of supplies the palace would need throughout the winter. Although she had experience managing her estate and a rural manor, this was on an entirely different scale. Even with her experience, the sheer volume of work was daunting.
The Emperor’s stewards took turns bringing her various ledgers and documents late into the night. It was overwhelming. Madam Berricker, noticing her stress, finally spoke up.
“You don’t have to be so meticulous, Your Highness.”
“Pardon?”
Courtney looked up. The papers scattered across her desk were filled with endless figures, records of how much had been brought in over the last few years and how much was left. It looked as though she would have gone into the storerooms herself to count every bolt of cloth and fur if left unchecked.
Madam Berricker continued with a slightly exasperated look.
“Your Highness doesn’t need to worry about every small detail… as long as there isn’t a shortage, it will be fine.”
“Oh…”
Courtney finally understood Madam Berricker’s point. In short, she was being too frugal, unable to let go of habits from leaner times.
Realizing this cleared her mind in an instant, though her face warmed in embarrassment.
Seeing the Crown Princess’s reddened face, Madam Berricker quickly picked up the teapot.
“We’re out of tea. I’ll go fetch some more.”
As soon as she left, Courtney fanned her burning face with her hands. Despite being one of the highest-ranking women in the Empire, she hadn’t shaken off her old ways.
Her gaze drifted to the calendar on the corner of her desk. Tomorrow, Frederick was scheduled to leave the capital.
Before she could sink into complex emotions, she noticed something else: another date had come and gone without a word. The monthly visitor she expected hadn’t arrived.
Could it be? Had a new life come to her instead? It was about the right time, after all. Her heart thudded with excitement.
But Courtney shook her head. It was too soon to get her hopes up. Stress could also delay her cycle. She tried to convince herself of this, but her heart had already leaped ahead. She placed a gentle hand on her abdomen, hopeful.
The next day, she called for the palace physician under the pretense of weight gain, not mentioning her delayed cycle. She didn’t want to raise expectations only to let others down.
