In the Doghouse - Chapter 160
From his perspective, Richard surely had reasons to feel wronged. His eyes met hers several times as if seeking an opportunity to speak, but she continued to feign ignorance, too afraid to face whatever he might want to say.
Despite Courtney’s steadfast avoidance, Richard wasn’t deterred and spoke up.
“Courtney, um…”
“I don’t have any appetite! I’ll be going now!”
Courtney jumped up from her seat as if propelled by a spring, her voice loud enough to reverberate through the room. Without giving him a chance to respond, she quickly headed toward the door.
It wasn’t entirely a lie that she had no appetite. In her state, she could barely tell whether the food was going to her mouth or her nose. Her plate looked practically untouched, as if she hadn’t eaten at all.
“What? Wait, please…”
Richard, startled, stood up to follow her, but Courtney only quickened her pace, nearly running. She knew that avoiding him was not the best choice, but she simply couldn’t face him right now.
She barely managed to reach the door without him catching her, but she couldn’t just leave without saying anything. With her hand on the door handle, she muttered a cowardly excuse that only sounded as hollow as it had the night before.
“I’m sorry… Let’s talk… later.”
“Courtney…”
The hurt in Richard’s voice was unmistakable. Unable to bear the despair in his eyes, Courtney did the only thing she could—she fled.
* * *
Courtney couldn’t find the courage to face the situation. Fully aware that she was handling things poorly, she kept avoiding the matter, clinging to the excuse of rechecking the winter preparations. This kept her away from the dining hall, much to the worry and confusion of her attendants.
“Your Highness, what about lunch today…?”
“I’m not hungry…”
With the same response as the day before, Isabella and Rebecca exchanged uneasy glances. Madam Berricker, noticing their concerned expressions, addressed the situation in a casual, unaffected tone.
“Should we perhaps bring something light up for you?”
“Yes…”
Courtney answered weakly, and Rebecca promptly volunteered to fetch it.
This had been going on for three days. She stayed mostly between her bedroom and study, avoiding the gardens in fear of running into Richard. But she hadn’t been idling. She spent hours alone, deeply examining the tangled mess of her emotions, trying to understand her behavior—both in the past and now.
The answer was simple, even though it felt overly dramatic when brought into the open.
Courtney had feelings for Richard—as a woman would to a man. And those feelings were intense.
It was both an obvious and a profound revelation. She may have been unusual in expressing it, but it was hard not to develop feelings for a man who showed her so much affection. It was even harder for her, someone who had never truly been loved. Yet, this realization did little to solve her problem.
Lost in thought, Courtney suddenly looked up, meeting Isabella’s eyes. She hesitated, then spoke.
“Go have lunch… all of you. Don’t worry about me.”
“Your Highness…”
Isabella seemed about to say something but closed her mouth, her gaze filled with worry. They’d all clearly noticed that something was amiss between the couple.
Embarrassed, Courtney lowered her head, and Madam Berricker, her experienced lady-in-waiting, intervened.
“All right, we’ll go. Do try to rest a bit.”
Courtney gave a feeble nod as Madam Berricker led the anxious young attendants out of the study, understanding that sometimes it was best to let married couples handle their own issues.
A little later, Rebecca returned with a tray of food.
“Your Highness, please have some before it gets cold.”
“Yes. Enjoy your lunch,” Courtney replied softly.
Having been briefed by Madam Berricker, Rebecca arranged the dishes on the table and promptly left Courtney alone in the quiet room.
Courtney sat, staring blankly at her plate. The food looked delicious, but her appetite was strangely absent, and her thoughts drifted back to Richard.
She likes him. Perhaps she even loves him.
She wasn’t entirely sure, but she found herself wondering if what she felt was ordinary love.
The truth was, what held her back was an earnest desire to protect and care for him, a profoundly human feeling. And yet…
“You are the person I’ve dreamed of. So please, have confidence.”
The fact that Richard likely didn’t want that kind of relationship left her feeling bitter.
Courtney didn’t mind their intense dynamic. If she’d found their interactions intolerable, the answer would have been simple—she wouldn’t have continued being with him.
The love she felt was the real source of her fear.
She worried that if she crossed that final line, her genuine feelings for him, as a man and a person, might shatter. It was as if her instincts were warning her of exactly that.
The sudden gust of wind rattled the window. Courtney looked up to see the cloudy sky, reminded of how winter was almost upon them. She forced herself to pick up her utensils, only to set them down again moments later.
There was no one she could talk to about this. She doubted Richard would understand. After all, he cared for her solely as his ‘master’.
Thinking of it that way, her courage withered again, and the day slipped away without her doing anything at all.
