It Seems Like The Infamous Trash Can is Right Here! - Chapter 197
Lionel nodded slowly with a dazed expression.
And when he laid his cheek down on the knee I patted…
The carriage that felt spacious and comfortable to me must have been about the level of an economy train seat for him.
‘Um… something’s a bit…’
It was completely different from what I’d imagined.
For one thing, his crumpled body didn’t look comfortable at all. And he wasn’t even resting his head comfortably, worried he might hurt my thighs, holding it about 1 millimeter above them.
“Lionel, you can lean comfortably. My thighs are sturdier than they look.”
“I’m comfortable.”
Even after answering, knowing I wouldn’t believe him, he added more.
“You said you love me and lent me your lap, didn’t you? That alone is no different from having the whole world.”
It made me truly happy and moved to hear him say that, but couldn’t we fix this uncomfortable posture just a little?
But Lionel didn’t seem to have any intention of putting weight on my thighs, and I had no choice but to change my thinking.
“Maybe I should borrow your lap instead.”
“That’s good too.”
I witnessed firsthand once again just how amazing Lionel’s core muscles were.
Seeing him immediately straighten his crouched body without even the slightest recoil.
‘It would’ve been nice if all my memories from the regressed lives had remained with me too.’
Didn’t I train in martial arts in some life? Though it would have been hard work to build up muscle mass anew with each new life…
Lionel pulled out plenty of fluffy blankets from the box under the seat and layered several over the space where I would lie and on his thighs.
“Try lying down now.”
“……!”
I thought discomfort would be unavoidable, but somehow it wasn’t bad.
It was more comfortable than expected, and Lionel’s unique scent, which had somehow become my favorite thing, seemed to embrace me warmly.
“How is it?”
So this is what they call a regressor’s experience points.
“It’s comfortable.”
“Right?”
He carefully brushed the hair stuck to my cheek aside. Even after that, his hand that didn’t leave but kept fidgeting was ticklish yet pleasant.
“Serenia.”
He called my name in a low, gentle voice.
“You seem to already know, so I wonder if it has meaning, but there’s something I really want to say.”
I turned my head to look up at Lionel.
The sunlight, feeling somewhat pale as winter approached closely, dyed him white.
Lionel remained quietly submerged in it, looking at me with an expression devoid of laughter.
“If I lose you, I can’t live even one more day. That’s how much I love you.”
This moment somehow felt dreamlike and fantastical. Or perhaps like a fragment of a past I couldn’t remember.
More than dozens of times, he must have made the same confession to me.
That he loves me. That he needs me. Not to leave him alone.
What made Lionel collapse and break down even more than the seemingly endlessly repeating failures and deaths must have been the fact that he’d been abandoned by me.
“So…”
How vivid those days we loved so deeply were, yet how great must the despair and helplessness Lionel felt have been in those days when he had to live as a complete stranger?
“Whether you beg me to let you go or get angry saying you can’t stand the sight of me, I can never let you go again.”
Only after seeing my eyes widen did he smile faintly.
“Until the day my life ends, until the day the world ends, I’ll be by your side, so don’t even think about abandoning me.”
Could it be that Lionel…?
Has he fully regained even that memory of our parting that I glimpsed?
Those were words he couldn’t say otherwise, yet the eyes looking at me still… no, rather contained even deeper affection than before, so I couldn’t believe it at all.
Without realizing it, I reached out and touched his lips. The smile drawn at my fingertips was real, not false, and tears suddenly welled up.
‘He didn’t come to hate me.’
Though I didn’t show it, I’d been scared not knowing when his gaze might change.
Every day when I infused him with divine power, I fretted, thinking ‘Please, not that memory….’
Yet facing him looking at me like this without a trace of resentment, I felt relieved but also heartache.
‘Even so, he should at least get angry and resent me a little.’
