Deal Breaker - Chapter 94
She hadn’t been consciously aware of it until now, but looking back, Hyeji couldn’t help but admit it readily.
“At first I just thought you weren’t the type to express yourself much. But then you cling to Grandma just fine and act cute with her. Hm? Princess Hyeji?”
“That’s because I’m my grandma’s eternal baby.”
“And to me you’re Eternal Monk Hyeji?”
So was he asking her to act cute and be all aegyo with him too?
“No.”
Kanghyeon answered immediately, his face turning serious. As expected, women who acted like children probably weren’t his type.
“I’m saying you know how to express affection, so why don’t you do it with me.”
Because it’s awkward.
It wasn’t just because she was naturally blunt. Stepping off the path their relationship had solidified into over six years required conscious effort.
If Kanghyeon stepped off that path first, Hyeji would gladly take his hand and explore unknown territory together, but if she were to start first, she hesitated because it felt awkward.
“We’re family now, so how long are you going to keep being awkward? When we weren’t family, we did even more awkward things just fine.”
Well…
“Yes, I know, because it was work. To make a living, office workers sell their souls anyway.”
“I didn’t think that far.”
“Anyway, back to the point. Do you feel loved by me?”
Without even thinking, Hyeji nodded. Several times a day, she found herself newly surprised that this really was Han Kanghyeon, the man who used to be kind to everyone but loved no one, and fluttering as she realized, so this is how he loves.
“I want to feel loved by you too.”
Hyeji wasn’t someone who startled easily, but she couldn’t help being shocked by those words.
Money and marriage. She had yielded everything in life she would never compromise on to this man. To Hyeji, every one of those choices had been made out of love, and she believed Kanghyeon knew that well.
“I know. I know that too. But I don’t like having to remind myself every day, thinking, ‘Hyeji is by my side because she loves me,’ with my head.”
He wanted her to express affection more freely. Hyeji had already caught on to that much.
But how do you express affection to a man, anyway?
Saying ‘I love you’?
“Other than when you threw away fifty billion and chose me, you’ve never said it first.”
Then kissing?
“You’ve never started that either.”
S*x?
“That’s a pass, since I’ve never asked for it either.”
Since the animalistic s*x they’d had when he lost his grip before leaving for Libya, it had been almost a year.
Hyeji had held back, afraid she might be blinded by desire and end up having rough s*x while ignoring the child in her belly. Kanghyeon probably had too.
After giving birth, there had been postpartum recovery, thyroid surgery, childcare. There hadn’t been room for s*x.
The man who had been quietly watching Hyeji with his chin propped on his hand slowly narrowed his eyes and then shook his head from side to side.
“Hyeji-ya, love between a man and a woman isn’t just that.”
It meant he wanted something else. But since he wouldn’t say what, Hyeji, who couldn’t read minds, had to infer the answer herself.
People give love the way they want to receive it.
So she carefully retraced Kanghyeon’s actions, the moments when she had felt his love even without him saying it outright.
Whenever he saw pretty clothes, delicious food, or anything good, he thought of Hyeji.
When there were signs something might be wrong with her health, he stepped up first to look into everything.
When they cracked open a can of beer and watched a movie after putting the baby to sleep, he asked how her day had been, even though they’d spent every moment of that day together.
All of those actions shared a common starting point. Thinking of the person you love at every moment. Was that why he had asked whether she thought about him?
Did she think about him? She did.
And her thoughts weren’t that different from his.
In the past, when she saw pictures of incredibly handsome actors or idols online, she used to save them for eye candy. Now, faces of handsome men who weren’t even on her family register didn’t catch her eye at all. Instead, she’d mentally dress Han Kanghyeon in whatever outfit she saw below the neck. That had become her habit.
“Why do you keep it only in your head?”
“…Good question.”
In their spacious home, she was always keenly aware of where he was.
If he went out to take out the trash or buy something from the convenience store, she’d find herself waiting until he came back. It was only ten or twenty minutes at most, but it felt like an hour.
It wasn’t because she’d be left alone with a ticking time bomb of a baby without the childcare cheat code of mind reading. The waiting was the same even when Saebyeok was asleep.
“I’ll try to cut it down to five minutes from now on.”
“Are you planning to jump off the plane later?”
“Ha, I should’ve awakened a flying ability.”
