Garden of May

Chapter 78

“….”

“My uncle won’t be back until tomorrow afternoon anyway.”

It wasn’t a significant request, considering everything that had happened that day—nothing had gone according to plan. From the beginning, this escapade had been fueled by impulse.

Asking Mr. Ross how to get out, Vanessa’s suggestion to go out, deliberately losing track of time until the circus had started, everything that followed….

There was no reason not to be impulsive now. At worst, she’d just go to bed a little later. He gave up thinking and leaned back against the carriage seat. He opened one eye, glancing at her. Vanessa, sensing his gaze, mirrored his posture, a wide smile spreading across her face.

The sudden closeness felt strangely new.

“Alright….”

The wind rustled through her long hair. The whispering leaves sounded refreshingly cool.

Closing his eyes, he could almost imagine himself in the middle of that old garden. He still often pictured Vanessa there. Her sweet voice calling to the puppy, her easy smile, her slender figure in a dress that reached her ankles. Sometimes, even when he was looking right at her, he felt a strange thirst, for no particular reason.

“Everything in there is suffocating.” Vanessa pulled her knees to her chest, resting her cheek on them. Her eyes, clouded as if in a dream, seemed distant.

“I just want to run away, anywhere….”

In that instant, a chill ran down his spine.

“I can’t stand it there anymore.”

The ghost of the past overlaid Vanessa’s pale face. The cloying scent of cosmetics, the lingering marks of passion it couldn’t quite mask, her pale hands that had forgotten their gloves, her long fingers caressing his cheek, and….

“I’ll come see you when I’m settled, Theodore.”

A voice murmuring, half-laughing, half-sobbing. Eyes darting nervously, afraid of being discovered.

“I can’t take you with me now. I’m not sure what will happen. I think… I’ll be on a ship. I’ll write to you as soon as I’m settled and have some breathing room. I promise.”

Even she hadn’t known she wouldn’t return. Nausea welled up inside him. Theodore gritted his teeth, forcing himself to breathe slowly.

Vanessa Cyrene Somerset was no different from that woman. She, too, would abandon everything, caught up in fleeting emotions, blindly walking down a path of destruction. She would beg him to run away with her.

‘To play the same role as the one I once despised so much.’

A hollow laugh escaped Theodore’s lips. He didn’t know what he’d been chasing, what illusions he’d projected onto this woman. He was simply stunned. The feeling of something he thought he held firmly slipping through his fingers like sand was devastating. The strength drained from his shoulders.

“Let’s go in, River.” Vanessa stretched languidly, rising gracefully like a cat. For a moment, he couldn’t comprehend what he’d just heard.

“…What?”

“We should go back before it gets too late. I’m sleepy.”

Her face, as she covered a long yawn, was devoid of pretense. She couldn’t deny a tinge of regret, but there was no intent to deceive him.

“Go back?” He blurted out, not even knowing what he was searching for, what he hoped to hear. The habitual smile on his lips twisted unnaturally.

“And here I thought you were going to suggest we run away.”

“Run away?”

Her eyes narrowed, looking at him as if he were a lovesick fool. “Is that what people usually do?”

“I don’t know.”

Vanessa tilted her head, puzzled by his strange words, then laughed as if a sudden realization had dawned on her.

“I see. You want to run away, River Ross?”

“Let’s say I do. What about you?”

“I can’t. I told you, even if I leave, I have to come back someday.”

“….”

“Of course, I’ve thought about it…. But I don’t want to cause trouble for people because of me, especially Mary. It’s hard for maids to find work in other households if something like this happens. They won’t get letters of recommendation.”

“….”

“My uncle knows a lot of people. If I run away, my friends will be the first ones watched, and the police will issue a special warrant. My picture will be plastered all over Ingram, and anyone who helps me will be arrested. I won’t be able to get supplies while on the run. Sea routes will be blocked. And of course, land routes too….”

Despite claiming she wouldn’t run, the future she painted was remarkably detailed, as if she’d already played out the scenario countless times in her head.