Garden of May

“Mary! Goodness, are you alright?”

“I’m fine… It’s nothing.”

“It looked like you hit your head hard…. Let me see.”

“It’s fine.” Mary shot a glare at the driver, who continued driving roughly, and somewhat curtly pushed away Vanessa’s hand as she examined her forehead. The peculiar noise of the old engine grated on her nerves all day. “Honestly… this is all because the carriage parts are so old. The newer carriages don’t shake this much, you know.” Unable to contain her frustration, Mary huffed, then continued in a sigh, “We should have rented or bought a carriage from the start. Who drives around in a twenty-year-old clunker these days? And the color is so tacky. This must be the only carriage of this color in the entire South….”

“Just bear with it a little longer. We can ride with my uncle’s carriage on the way back. He said he was coming this way.” Vanessa soothed Mary and looked out the window with uneasy eyes. The streets had become noticeably crowded. Men with black coal dust on their cheeks and clothes. They held iron levers and pickets, chanting something in unison.

“What’s going on? They all look angry….”

“Has there been an accident?” The driver, Alman, anxiously tapping the steering wheel, abruptly joined their conversation. “Not an accident, but… it seems a group of vagrants living under a nearby underpass have come out and occupied the square.”

“Vagrants?”

“It happens from time to time. The nearby coal factory closed, and those who lost their jobs are staging a surprise protest against the mayor. It just so happens to be today.”

“Then what do we do now?”

“We have no choice but to take a detour.”

“Do you know this area well, Alman?”

“To some extent. I’ll go east of the city. Towards Kingston. It should be less crowded there.”

Kingston. At the familiar name, Vanessa’s expression momentarily stiffened. Alman, after craning his neck to check the crowd outside, skillfully turned the carriage. In a short time, he zipped through several narrow alleys and found a deserted side street.

Vanessa covered her mouth with the back of her hand and swallowed the rising nausea. Perhaps because she had been staring at the small embroidery hoop, her already unsettled stomach began to churn.

“Are you carsick? You look pale.”

“A little. I think I’m going to be sick….”

“Alman, stop the carriage for a moment. The lady is going to be sick.”

“I can’t, Mary. This is a dangerous area, so I need to increase the speed.”

“…There’s nothing we can do. Get some fresh air, Miss. Try to look as far into the distance as possible.”

Mary stretched out her arm and lowered the window on Vanessa’s side. Along with the hot, humid summer air, the fishy smell of the harbor and the acrid smoke from the factory poured into the carriage. Vanessa leaned her cheek against the window frame and looked outside.

Even on the outskirts of the bleak city, the season was at its peak. Tomorrow would be the first week of July. Summer flowers were blooming profusely in the humble rose garden of Gloucester, and in the mornings, butterflies and bees buzzed softly. This also signaled that her contract with River Ross was halfway through.

She had accepted the Essex family’s invitation, which she could have easily declined, precisely because of this. ‘Something has changed.’ She couldn’t explain it precisely, but at some point, River Ross had changed. In a way that was both good and bad.

Of course, there had been similar moments before. She would often get swept up in the atmosphere, planning for the future, or acting as if this summer would never end, and River Ross would play along, participating in the charade. It was a kind of contract, an unspoken rule. A freedom they had because it would never truly happen. River Ross never forgot where to stop, and she was always prepared to accept a life without him.

‘But the past few days have been different.’ The way he said her name, the way his eyes looked when she turned at his call, the way he spoke, listened, and moved—everything had changed. Slowly but steadily, like the summer sea gradually warming under the sun.

Lately, watching him, Vanessa would often find herself caught in a wretched delusion. That he might have truly fallen in love with her, and that they might seek each other out even after this season ended. These delusions were not helpful. She needed time to regain a proper distance. For him, and for herself.

‘If River Ross wants to continue this…’ At the insidious whisper within, Vanessa pressed her lips together firmly. ‘Even if that happens, I have to refuse.’

River Ross was a soldier with a guaranteed future, and her existence would be a fatal blemish on that bright future. With her, River Ross would become a man who, forgetting his place, coveted a noblewoman, and she would become a harlot who betrayed even her honor, dallying with a commoner. She would rather cherish their love dearly than let it become his weakness.