Guidelines for the Perfect Goodbye - Chapter 108
She raged.
“Do I look like a joke to you? Do you think you’re in any way like me? You dare… you dare…! You know how much the Count cares about me…!”
Misdirected anger, only expressed towards the vulnerable. Cecilia bit her lower lip. It was as nauseating as looking at a cheap, rippling mirror.
‘If he really cared about you, you wouldn’t be here today.’
If he truly cared.
If he loved you.
‘You wouldn’t be left in such a lonely and miserable state.’
Cecilia thought her choice was foolish.
Why do you continue to choose Father.
Or before that.
‘Why did you give birth to me?’
It would have been better to erase it.
If only she had ignored the child after giving birth.
Even if she couldn’t abandon it, if she had left it at a corner of an orphanage, promising to come back someday with promises she couldn’t keep.
No, no, that’s not it. She was a gypsy.
She could have firmly resolved to burn off her past sins and return to the time before she met Adam.
Yes, that would have been best.
‘If only.’
At least she wouldn’t be here like this.
If she could have repaid the mistakes of her past and started over…
If she could have met an ordinary man, had an ordinary marriage, lived as an ordinary wife…
Watching a child who didn’t resemble Adam grow, sitting around the table every morning, eating together, laughing, talking…
Strolling freely anywhere, spontaneously walking the streets on a sunny day, occasionally socializing with strangers, taking a carriage to travel far…
‘If only.’
“I know you came to mock me!”
‘That life.’
“Presumptuous little thing.”
‘Would be better than having a daughter like me.’
“I said, get out!”
‘Wouldn’t that have been more valuable?’
Yet she remained here, in this place, Coffret Manor… in a jewel box that would never open by itself.
For ten years, though she shouldnât be a guest, she was tucked away in a corner of a guest room. Her brightest years wasted away like weeds in a field.
‘You and me both.’
They were both under a long delusion.
‘That this life was our inevitable reality.’
But now, it was time to escape. Time to become human again, to walk out on two feet.
“Miss Lilith.”
Cecilia placed her hand over Lilith’s hand that was clutching the bottle.
“Put this down.”
“You…!”
“Mother.”
“âŠ!”
Lilith’s pupils momentarily shook but soon became clouded. She quickly pulled back her hand, guarding the bottle.
“Don’t touch me without permission!”
Her other hand shot up in the air.
Cecilia quickly grabbed her motherâs wrist.
‘So drunk she can hardly control herself, yet she lashes out.’
Drinking this fast only harms her health.
‘Then she might die again.’
A thought, slightly off from worry, crossed her mind again.
‘Death.’
It lingered unusually long.
She wanted to ask.
Why did you die?
Right before my wedding.
Cecilia recalled a dream she had at the wedding venue. In the dream, she was as excited as a child. Just excited.
The dream reflected only half the reality.
In fact, she had cried her heart out the night before. Everyone acted as if she should be happy, so in the dead of the night, she stuffed the blanket in her mouth and wept.
And then, at the wedding the next day, she had neatly erased her sorrow. Because a bride should be happy.
“âŠMaybe this time I could save her?”
Cecilia muttered to herself.
“WhatâŠ?”
“No, it’s nothing.”
Cecilia embraced her disheveled mother. She hugged her tightly and stroked her head as she struggled.
Swear words heavy with the smell of alcohol filled her ears.
Crazy woman. Damn woman. Let go. You dare. You dare…
The barbed words slowly ceased with her soothing touch. Soon, hot sobs flowed and grew stronger, turning into a young beast’s roar.
Cecilia ceaselessly soothed her weeping mother until she exhausted herself to sleep. She held her, sharing warmth, until she fell limp from her arms.
When she finally laid her in bed, Cecilia hurriedly tidied the messy room and, after covering her with a blanket, quietly left the annex.
The night had grown quite chilly. Cecilia wrapped her shawl tightly around herself and hurried across the garden.
“I heard the annex was empty.”
She halted at the deep voice behind her. Cecilia turned the lantern around to identify the speaker.
A courteous smile greeted her.
“Just when I wondered who might be sneaking around after the banquet, it turns out to be my fiancĂ©e.”
