Guidelines for the Perfect Goodbye - Chapter 277
Caroline was timid by nature. Or rather, was she truly born that way? It was hard to say. Neither of her parents ever watched others so closely or acted as cautiously as Caroline did.
But by the time her personality was being formed, sometime after her fifth birthday, she definitely showed signs of timidity.
Her father wanted his children to be perfect and was overly sensitive to their mistakes. Her mother, though she never rebuked Caroline for anything improper or out of etiquette, was so indifferent that it was difficult to rely on her.
Naturally, the childâs expectations turned toward her father. She had tried her hardest to meet the standards of a father who set the bar so high. In that sense, perhaps her timidity had only emerged early, not as a genetic predisposition but as a byproduct of her upbringing.
Whenever she made a mistake, she would dwell on it all night, searching for any way to make up for it. Christian had been someone who could fill that gap in her.
Yet, still, she was cautious.
Because he might stop loving her at any momentâŠ
Perhaps it would have been right to either approach him with the mindset of starting over or give up entirely from the beginning.
But Caroline truly, truly⊠did not want to give up on this man.
She had already imagined it all.
She had imagined Christian proposing to her.
She had imagined telling her father the news.
âFather, the truth is, Iâve received a proposal from the heir of House Pierce. What should I do?â
She had pictured every reaction her father might have upon hearing the news. He smiled. He praised her, saying she had done well.
Just as expected of my daughter. Iâm proud of you. Thatâs what heâd say.
A proud daughter is loved. And she wanted to be loved.
ButâŠ
âChris, do you mean it?â
Her voice was cold as she asked. Christianâs laughter dried up, brittle and rough. He spoke, his voice sounding almost hoarse.
âMy apologies.â
He did not smile anymore. He bowed politely, as if addressing a woman he was meeting for the first time.
âMy apologies, Lady Lasphilla.â
In an instant, a thick line appeared between them. Like stepping on a tripwire that would explode, she hovered, unsure whether to lift or lower her heel. While she hesitated, he left the sofa and disappeared to the other side of the hall.
All that remained were an empty sofa and a few lingering gazes. In the vacant space, the Viscountess Lope covered her mouth with a fan and approached Caroline. She patted Carolineâs shoulder with a gentle laugh.
âMy grandson does have very good manners, doesnât he?â
Caroline bit her lips quietly. She tasted iron.
***
Itâs not my fault. Itâs not because Iâm lacking, nor because I donât know my place. After all, Iâve spent so many years living and dying by my reputation!
She wasnât so brave as to throw everything away and be left feeling foolish. If she had been alone, she certainly wouldnât have tried to cling to a man so boldly.
When she had gone to visit Ulysses at the Rosencrantz residence, and even now.
âItâs not my fault.â
Thereâs nothing lacking in me. I havenât done anything wrong.
But things had gone wrong. Why?
If the cause couldnât be found in herself, then naturally, the fault lay with someone else. Who could it be? Who had brought her to this point?
The one who made her misunderstand, made her act hastily, led her to make foolish decisions.
Suddenly, the face of the woman closest to her flashed through her mind.
âMadame ClĂ©on.â
If she hadnât tempted me, things wouldnât have ended up like this.
That was a clear and indisputable truth, and even the madame herself couldnât deny it.
âMadame⊠lied to me?â
But that couldnât be. Madame loves me. Why would my only ally make things difficult for me?
Then, perhaps, Madame wasnât to blame?
Caroline denied it once again.
âMadame is right. She could never have said anything wrong to me.â
In Carolineâs world, Louise ClĂ©on was the only absolute presence. The one who gave her affection her parents never had, the one who treated her as special among all the girls.
If she doubted Madame, she would fall apart. Madame had to always be right⊠so that she could continue to lean on her in comfort.
âMadame did nothing wrong. And IâŠâ
Christian just hasnât realized his feelings yet. He simply hasnât had the chance.
âI was too impatient.â
She rushed at him without giving either of them time to process, so itâs only natural heâd feel repelled.
âBut the situation is already ruined, and the timing has passed, so what now?â
Flustered, Caroline followed after him out of the hall.
