Guidelines for the Perfect Goodbye - Chapter 277
Caroline was timid by nature. Or rather, was she truly born that way? It was hard to say. Neither of her parents ever watched others so closely or acted as cautiously as Caroline did.
But by the time her personality was being formed, sometime after her fifth birthday, she definitely showed signs of timidity.
Her father wanted his children to be perfect and was overly sensitive to their mistakes. Her mother, though she never rebuked Caroline for anything improper or out of etiquette, was so indifferent that it was difficult to rely on her.
Naturally, the childās expectations turned toward her father. She had tried her hardest to meet the standards of a father who set the bar so high. In that sense, perhaps her timidity had only emerged early, not as a genetic predisposition but as a byproduct of her upbringing.
Whenever she made a mistake, she would dwell on it all night, searching for any way to make up for it. Christian had been someone who could fill that gap in her.
Yet, still, she was cautious.
Because he might stop loving her at any momentā¦
Perhaps it would have been right to either approach him with the mindset of starting over or give up entirely from the beginning.
But Caroline truly, trulyā¦ did not want to give up on this man.
She had already imagined it all.
She had imagined Christian proposing to her.
She had imagined telling her father the news.
āFather, the truth is, Iāve received a proposal from the heir of House Pierce. What should I do?ā
She had pictured every reaction her father might have upon hearing the news. He smiled. He praised her, saying she had done well.
Just as expected of my daughter. Iām proud of you. Thatās what heād say.
A proud daughter is loved. And she wanted to be loved.
Butā¦
āChris, do you mean it?ā
Her voice was cold as she asked. Christianās laughter dried up, brittle and rough. He spoke, his voice sounding almost hoarse.
āMy apologies.ā
He did not smile anymore. He bowed politely, as if addressing a woman he was meeting for the first time.
āMy apologies, Lady Lasphilla.ā
In an instant, a thick line appeared between them. Like stepping on a tripwire that would explode, she hovered, unsure whether to lift or lower her heel. While she hesitated, he left the sofa and disappeared to the other side of the hall.
All that remained were an empty sofa and a few lingering gazes. In the vacant space, the Viscountess Lope covered her mouth with a fan and approached Caroline. She patted Carolineās shoulder with a gentle laugh.
āMy grandson does have very good manners, doesnāt he?ā
Caroline bit her lips quietly. She tasted iron.
***
Itās not my fault. Itās not because Iām lacking, nor because I donāt know my place. After all, Iāve spent so many years living and dying by my reputation!
She wasnāt so brave as to throw everything away and be left feeling foolish. If she had been alone, she certainly wouldnāt have tried to cling to a man so boldly.
When she had gone to visit Ulysses at the Rosencrantz residence, and even now.
āItās not my fault.ā
Thereās nothing lacking in me. I havenāt done anything wrong.
But things had gone wrong. Why?
If the cause couldnāt be found in herself, then naturally, the fault lay with someone else. Who could it be? Who had brought her to this point?
The one who made her misunderstand, made her act hastily, led her to make foolish decisions.
Suddenly, the face of the woman closest to her flashed through her mind.
āMadame ClĆ©on.ā
If she hadnāt tempted me, things wouldnāt have ended up like this.
That was a clear and indisputable truth, and even the madame herself couldnāt deny it.
āMadameā¦ lied to me?ā
But that couldnāt be. Madame loves me. Why would my only ally make things difficult for me?
Then, perhaps, Madame wasnāt to blame?
Caroline denied it once again.
āMadame is right. She could never have said anything wrong to me.ā
In Carolineās world, Louise ClĆ©on was the only absolute presence. The one who gave her affection her parents never had, the one who treated her as special among all the girls.
If she doubted Madame, she would fall apart. Madame had to always be rightā¦ so that she could continue to lean on her in comfort.
āMadame did nothing wrong. And Iā¦ā
Christian just hasnāt realized his feelings yet. He simply hasnāt had the chance.
āI was too impatient.ā
She rushed at him without giving either of them time to process, so itās only natural heād feel repelled.
āBut the situation is already ruined, and the timing has passed, so what now?ā
Flustered, Caroline followed after him out of the hall.
