Chapter 128
I slowly inhaled through my nose. When that still failed to calm me, I took a sip of the wine in my hand. I felt as though I wouldn’t be able to control my expression if I remained sober.
Then I saw Gerard and Arvina leisurely disappear together through the crowd.
As I watched their retreating backs, I began to feel the alcohol.
“Louize, are you alright?”
“Yes.”
Holding my glass, I walked toward the place where cold air was seeping in. When I pulled the curtain aside, a terrace appeared, offering a clear view of the night scenery.
“Haa.”
For now, the cold striking painfully against my skin was welcome.
I needed to whip my agitated heart back into submission.
It wasn’t the first time I had watched the two of them bicker affectionately, so why was I acting this way?
Was it because Gerard had confessed to me? But those feelings had to be something that would pass faintly without leaving even a trace.
I should have welcomed the sight of the two of them being affectionate instead.
“Get a grip, please get a grip. Get a grip.”
I lowered my head and muttered the same words repeatedly.
Just then, a garment carrying warmth covered my back.
“……!”
Startled, I turned my head. Theor was looking me over with eyes filled with concern.
Ah.
At the fleeting disappointment that welled up inside me, another hollow laugh escaped.
“It’s very cold.”
“I’m alright. You should go back inside, Sir Theor.”
“…I hate noisy places too. It’s quiet and pleasant here.”
Theor took the wineglass from my hand and set it on the floor.
As the night wind struck my face, my eyes grew painfully hot. When I blinked slowly, the stars decorating the sky tangled together in a dizzying blur.
“Sometimes, I.”
The words escaped before they even passed through my mind. Theor, who had been watching my reaction, immediately answered, “Yes.”
“No, perhaps quite often. I want to tear out my heart and cut it into pieces.”
“……”
“It doesn’t listen. It simply won’t listen.”
When I looked to the side, my gaze met Theor’s exactly. I saw the corner of his eye twitch.
“Have you ever hated yourself so much that it drove you mad, Sir Theor?”
“……”
“That’s how I feel right now.”
I gripped the freezing railing tightly, then released it. What kind of drunken behavior was this? I needed to stop this unpleasant lamenting.
Moments when my heart collapsed and I wanted to give up on everything came again and again.
But whether I did this or that, my life was hell. I felt as though I could only breathe a little easier once I had at least settled the price of my sins, which had swollen like debt owed to a loan shark.
That was why I needed to keep an even firmer hold on myself.
With the silver lake glowing brightly before me, I cautiously brought up the concern I had been postponing.
“Do the Awakened suffer greatly when they can’t receive purification?”
“Yes. No matter what comparison I use, it would be difficult for you to understand completely without experiencing it yourself. Not only your physical strength, but even your mental strength is gradually worn away. I’ve never gone on a rampage, but one of my peers said he would rather have all four limbs cut off. In the end, he quit because of the aftereffects of his rampage.”
“…Then Lord Castion.”
“That is why the Commander is called a legend. He can wield that much power even with a body that cannot be purified. Forgive my boldness, but I don’t believe another Awakened like the Commander will ever appear again.”
Every word he spoke contained respect and awe toward Gerard.
But rather than Gerard’s abilities, I focused on his suffering.
Even if I repaired his hand and left, the fact that no one’s purification but mine worked on him would remain unchanged.
“…Is there no way to increase his compatibility rate?”
“I understand that Melvers has conducted extensive research on that matter. It isn’t that there are absolutely no methods…”
My ears perked up. I turned and looked up at Theor beside me.
“There is a method?”
