Thought It Was 'The End', Only to Return to a Changed Genre - Chapter 150
âLucian Cole doesnât know, Lloyd doesnât know either. Even they donât have any answers. Youâve locked everything away in that little head of yours.â
Shane lightly tapped his temple with his long fingers, then forced a slight smile. It would have been better if heâd stayed expressionless.
If this was supposed to be the face he usually showed her when smiling, Shaneâs acting skills were truly terrible.
“I did well, didnât I? Didnât I seem like someone you could trust?”
“……”
“I waited silently, obeyed like a dog. You seemed to rely on me quite a bit, too.”
It wasnât just reliance.
The only reason Adeline hadnât crumbled under the weight of her terrible nightmares was because of Shane.
It was because she had promised him.
She had endured because she wanted to overcome everything and live with him.
“Even so, you still canât trust me?”
“And what about you?”
“……”
“Do you trust me?”
In the sharp silence, Adeline bit down hard on her lip.
Every moment he had been kind now felt like a ploy to get her to reveal her secrets. She knew it wasnât true. She didnât believe the bloodstained sincerity Shane had shown her was fake.
His desperate, love-filled blue eyes had laid bare the feelings she had always tried to hide. The tears he shed as he held her when she was on the brink of death, the trembling in his hands.
None of that could have been a lie.
She knew it was her fault for not earning his trust. It made sense that he couldnât believe her. She knew that.
But knowing didnât stop her from being furious at the way he was speaking.
“You havenât told me anything either, so how am I supposed to trust you?”
He had doubted every word she said anyway.
Even pretending to believe a lie wouldâve been better than this.
The emotions she had been suppressing, believing she had to endure them because of her guilt, started bubbling to the surface. She had tried so hard to keep them down, but now they slipped through her fingers like water.
You donât know how I feel.
You donât know how Iâve survived.
You donât know how hard itâs been for me.
I held back because I knew I hurt you. I felt guilty for causing you pain, for breaking you. Thatâs why I accepted it in silence, even though it wasnât fair. I endured it.
I just wanted to live, but you donât understand that. So why am I the only one being blamed? Why am I the only sinner here?
Itâs not like I wanted to leave.
This world rejected me.
So why do I always have to feel sorry? That was the best I could do. I was struggling, too.
I tried so hard, just to keep my promise to you.
Unable to hold back any longer, Adeline shouted.
“You donât trust me either! Thatâs why youâre always locking me up! So how can I trust you?”
How fragile the trust between them had always been.
No matter how many times they had slept holding each other, kissed each otherâs eyes, noses, foreheads, cheeks, jaws, lips, and earsâthere had never been trust between them.
Shane calmly watched her before he spoke.
“I donât trust you. I never have.”
His voice was just as dry.
Tears burst out of her as if something inside her had broken.
Adeline wiped them away with her sleeve, annoyed at the ones pooling on her chin, but they kept streaming down, too many to stop with just a few swipes.
Normally, by now, Shane would have wiped them away with his large hands and stopped her from rubbing too harshly, saying sheâd hurt her skin.
But tonight, he just stood there, distant, watching her as if he was a stranger.
“Crying wonât help, Adeline. I wonât comfort you until you tell me what you know.”
“I neverâhicâasked you to.”
She hadnât wanted his comfort. But his clear change in attitude made her feel utterly miserable.
“Did the promise I made to return to you sound like nonsense to you?”
“No. I wanted to believe it wasnât nonsense.”
Shane let out a low sigh.
“I was terrified you might hate me.”
“……”
“So I stuck close to you, hoping you might like me, even just a little. It made me happy when you smiled at me, when you hugged me in your sleep, when you leaned against me. What else could I do? I clung to you like an idiot, begging for love like a pathetic mongrel.â
When his blue eyes blinked and opened again, a layer of them peeled away, revealing a deep, sharp anger.
âBut I forgot. The thing I fear most isnât that youâll hate me. Itâs that youâll die.â
He had forgotten that.
Buried in the sweet hope that maybe she could love him.
âHate me, despise me, whatever you want, Adeline. It doesnât matter.â
Not compared to the fear of you dying.
T/N: Dang, Adelineâs just as much of a red flagâif not a bigger and worse red flag
