Deal Breaker - Chapter 95
Sometimes she wondered whether living with her was really happier for him than his once free single life. Falling in love with a Guide, getting married, raising a child. It was like his limbs were completely bound by the very things he’d said he didn’t want.
“…Why would you even think that? Instead of wondering on your own, you should just ask. If you had…”
“There was no need to ask. The answer was written all over you.”
Because he looked like he genuinely enjoyed life as a husband and a father, as if he’d discovered a talent he never knew he had.
If Kanghyeon’s feelings were visible to her eyes, she’d thought her feelings would be just as visible to his. In the midst of their busy daily life, there were many moments when she found herself gazing at him and feeling love or happiness, or relief that she’d made the right choice.
But had she ever shown, through her actions, that she was thinking about him?
She couldn’t even use being busy with childcare as an excuse. Kanghyeon had been just as busy. Yet he still expressed it.
Sorry…
Through pregnancy, childbirth, and surgery, it had always been Kanghyeon who took care of her, and only now did she realize she’d been receiving it all as if it were a given.
“…I’m not asking you to take care of me.”
“Then what?”
“Please, want something from me.”
She didn’t really know how receiving was supposed to turn into giving, but…
“What could I possibly want more than this?”
“Wow, that was pretty heart fluttering.”
The man who looked like a photoshoot even when expressionless smiled brightly, his eyes curving as well. He was the one making her heart flutter.
“Hearing that there’s nothing lacking in living with me sounds nice, but maybe you’re just satisfied with how things are because you’re not greedy about this kind of thing? You’re usually very greedy.”
“When it comes to money, sure.”
“Then be greedy about me the way you’re greedy about money.”
“But you’re already mine, so what am I supposed to be greedy about?”
“…Noh Hyeji, when you’re like this, I can’t tell if you’re a total beginner or a master.”
She never expressed things, then casually tossed out heart fluttering lines once in a while. Hyeji swore she never did it on purpose.
“What I mean is, when you love someone, there are things you want to do together, right?”
“……”
“…Nothing?”
“Isn’t it because you give me everything before I even ask, Kanghyeon-ssi? Like with Saebyeok-ie.”
Even though it had been over a month since Saebyeok learned the word ‘mama’, she still couldn’t say ‘papa’. Hyeji’s theory was that it was because before she could even call for him, Dad read her mind and gave her everything.
“No. It’s because you don’t want anything from me.”
Kanghyeon leaned toward Hyeji as if he were about to say something important, then spoke carefully.
“Hyeji-ya, be honest. Are you scared you’ll be disappointed if you expect something from me?”
In that moment, Hyeji felt as if she’d been hit over the head. She realized something about herself she hadn’t even known.
If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed.
If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t take anything.
After being betrayed by her biological father, she’d lived by that creed, closing her heart to people and always keeping a safe distance.
She’d believed that by overcoming her distrust of men and marrying Kanghyeon, she’d shaken off all the wounds her biological father left behind, but it turned out they were still there.
The habit she’d formed to avoid being hurt was hurting the man she loved. She needed to get rid of it, quickly.
“Habits don’t disappear in a day or two. It takes conscious effort.”
“I’ll try. But I still don’t know what I’m supposed to want…”
When you love someone, what do you want to do? No matter how much she thought about it, nothing came to mind.
As Kanghyeon looked steadily at Hyeji, who was casting a fishing line into a sea where all the fish were gone, his eyes sharpened.
“Be honest. You…”
You don’t love me, do you? What kind of nonsense is that…
“You’re a total novice, right?”
“……”
“Thought so.”
“……”
“Ah, that explains why you didn’t know how to date.”
“……”
“Why are you embarrassed? This is great.”
Not only was I Noh Hyeji’s first man, I was also her first boyfriend. Shamelessly, it made him happy. If Iyeon from the Center teased him for being a thief, he felt like he could just confess, yeah, that thief is me.
“Then it means there’s a lot you haven’t tried yet. There’s so much we can do together. There must’ve been things you wanted to try once you had a boyfriend, right?”
“…There were.”
But…
When Hyeji closed her mouth without continuing, Kanghyeon took her hands and brought them to him. He planted ticklish kisses on her palm, and the look in his eyes as he gazed at her over her fingertips was unexpected.
He didn’t really know, but for a man who should’ve already done all the obvious things enough times to be bored, he looked so openly expectant.
“Hyeji-ya, I want to date you.”
After having a baby and even getting married, dating.
Deal.
From that moment on, something more thrilling than flying through the sky entered Hyeji’s life.
