Chapter 142
Alvar handed him a set of womenâs clothing and a dark-colored robe.
âThe carriage.â
âItâs waiting at the back gate. But, sir⌠Madam Marcella has been looking for you continuously. For now, we told her we didnât know where you wereâŚâ
âTell her I knew she was coming, so I ran away.â
ââŚUnderstood.â
Even though he knew it was a childish lie, Alvar had no choice but to nod.
Click. Once the door closed, a troubled sigh escaped him.
âIs this really going to be alright?â
Gerard Castion was far more deeply infatuated with the fourth-rank Purifier than Alvar had imagined. All hell would break loose once Madam Marcella found out.
Sensing that it wouldnât be long before that happened, he could already feel a throbbing headache coming on.
* * *
âThis is a dream.â
I realized it instinctively.
I was in the middle of an endless sea.
There was nothing in sight except the blue sky meeting the horizon and the vast blue surface stretching endlessly beneath it.
There, Gerard, you were the tide.
You carried me toward a place with no destination.
Even if I fought against the tide with my own arms and legs, it wasnât enough.
My end would be either drifting or drowning.
I was the one who had chosen to fall into the sea, so if I wanted to blame someone, I could only blame myself.
Even though I knew that perfectly well, my unconscious mind hadnât known a moment of peace lately.
Even I couldnât make sense of the feelings scattered chaotically within me.
I have to push you away, but surely this much is alright. Perhaps even this much.
No. I still have to be firm. But maybe Iâm the only one making an unnecessary fuss over nothing.
At the moment when I was about to die, submerged in those thoughts, I realized it.
The greatest problem with our smoothly unfolding misery was my own indecisiveness.
The problem was me. I couldnât help but place hope in your kindness and affection, and the warmth of our clasped hands and the gaze you directed at me kept dragging memories of the past back to the surface.
Once I reached that conclusion, my pounding heart grew calm. My thoughts became clearer instead, even within the dark sea where nothing could be seen.
Letâs make the boundary we kept crossing ambiguously perfectly clear.
Yes, this is for you, and itâs also for me.
Now I know what I have to do.
My eyes slowly opened.
âI should get you some good medicine.â
And, as always, you were beside me.
You had your head propped on one hand while the other tickled my cheek and the skin around my eyes.
Cough. A small cough escaped me even though my throat wasnât itchy.
Gerard sat up and poured water into a cup on the bedside table.
âYou need to build up your stamina. If one round of s*x knocks you out like this, how am I supposed to do it again without being scared?â
ââŚâŚâ
When I merely stared at him, he wrinkled the bridge of his nose and smiled apologetically.
âI canât say I wonât do it again.â
Only after he helped me sit up did I realize that we were inside my house.
âWhenâŚâ
I couldnât finish speaking. My voice was so terribly hoarse that it didnât sound like my own.
At the same time, the events of last night came back to me. Unable to endure the heat rushing into my head, I lowered it.
But his hand immediately slipped beneath my chin and raised my face again.
âDrink.â
I had nearly finished the cup of water he held out when something familiar caught my eye against his black shirt. The instant I realized what it was, I coughed and spat out the water in my mouth.
Gerard clicked his tongue briefly and wiped the corners of my mouth with his sleeve.
But the water on my face wasnât the problem. I pushed his hand away as though annoyed and placed my hand against Gerardâs chest.
